Quineka's Quotes

During my trip to the Congressional Black Caucus Annual Legislative Conference, I stumbled into a Braintrust entitled: Young Black and Gifted, hosted by Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA-35). To my dismay, "Young Black and Gifted" opened up to the tone of a Hip Hop debate. I was not pleased. Then, Michael Eric Dyson Dr. Michael Eric Dyson walked in!!!!!


Anywho... You'll hear about that on the Vlog I shall be posting later. This post is entitled "Quineka's Quotes" because over the duration of my trip there was a resounding notion that was "spoken over me". And it is... YOU DON'T REALIZE HOW POWERFUL YOUR WORDS ARE... YOU SHOULD CONSIDER WRITING. So as a result of Dr. Dyson, Dr. James Peterson ( Director- Africana Studies at Lehigh University) and COMMON >>> Odd combination, huh?! I have decided to complete the book I'd started a while ago, "Sex, Lies, and Whateverships"!

However, until it is complete... I will be posting quotes. No specific order, date, regulated period. Just as they come to me.

There is NEVER a feeling like seeing someone you’ve idolized become weak; but when they do falter, use your strength to empower the both of you. – Quineka Moten

Lauryn Hill Didn't Think 'Miseducation' Would Deliver Such An Impact

In a rare interview where Lauryn Hill (Ms. Hill to the Talib Kweli fans) oddly resembeles Oprah (one of my other great influences in life), she describes how she had no idea "Miseducation", The play on low and high culture coming together would IMPACT the music world as it has.

Ms. Hill saw this work as an opportunity to learn how to trust her individual voice. Miseducation's initial, primary intent was to acknowledge more of an informal "institution" of learning.

MY PERSONAL FAVORITE line from the interview, Ms Hill states,

"I think I made a piece of music from a sincere place and I think that sincerity has no choice but to resonate with people,"

I MUST say this: No matter how "crazy" people want to consider Lauryn Hill, she has undoubtedly written one of the MOST INFLUENTIAL albums of all time... And NO ONE can take that from her!

Thanks for calling the Mental Health Hotline!!!

Dear Black Women: Dating Tips #1

Before you read this, KNOW much of this may be satirical and overwhelmingly based off of my reoccurring observations, which may lead to over-generalizations!

Oh, I typically don’t bullet point things because I don’t want people to think any are less important. They are only to separate ideas… All are as important as the aforementioned and latter.

HAPPY READING!


Dear Black Women:

In the wake of leaving the college world and joining “adult life” and not being completely serious with any individual, it has come to my attention that I am officially a member of the black dating pool. With that said, we are in competition. And being the woman I am… I would like to offer a little friendly advice to said competitors. Why… you may ask?! Because 1.) I’ve seen some women in serious need of help 2.) After “going up” against a much older, well-established woman and conquering (in 5 minutes) what she could not in a year and 3.) Realizing that I am soooo not ready for a relationship, it only behooves me to offer these notions.

Smile!!!

It is so simple that it's genius! No one, I mean, no one wants to EVER approach another human being that ALWAYS has a scowl. We know you’re angry. You’re a black woman, and we are stereotypically angry people. So when you’re out in a social atmosphere... SMILE. Then maybe when you head to your after spot with your homegirls you won’t have to talk about how WACK the brothers were. More likely than not on those nights when you aren't approached, they hollered at the friendly looking women (most likely – white girls) because they are APPROACHABLE. If you're angry at least don't look it.

(Seriously, it's the NUMBER 1 Google Result)

Get the man… then frown.



Be a Friend

More times than I can count, I've heard my guy friends "fall into (insert bullish word for love)" with a long-time friend. When you start a relationship right out of the gate, all the facts WON'T be on the table; for several reasons, but mainly:


1.) You aren't sure you like him enough to let him in (and especially vice versa)
2.)Even if you do like him that much, how do you know that he needs all of your pertinent information that early in a relationship.
3.) Do you really want to let him in on your "special friend" (fwb, toys, and whatnot)? I THINK NOT!

Learn to kick it. And look like you're having a good time with him. Watch some football or some MMA!

It's even a retail therapy opportunity! The NFL has some of the cutest, MOST comfortable clothing I have EVER laid eyes on (from a former TomBoy). Check it out!
Plus:
He plays football -->

It WILL NOT kill you to take an interest in his interest.



Shut your a** up Learn to listen.... Then respond!
BIGGEST difference from my white roomies and my black roomies was the ability to DISCUSS and resolve issues. And it was easy to see how these communication tactics translated into other relationships.

After a recent (much needed) session with my therapist-friend (like she has a real PhD) and twin sister, I was informed that I come off a bit condescending. Well, I've never.. blah blah blah *insert fingers into ears* is exactly what I wanted to do, but I didn't, I listened and realized that may be a barrier for someone attempting to get close to me. So while you're shutting up taking times to listen, reevaluate the situation and keep his feelings in mind.

Learn to submit... Or at least fake it!

And BTW... Your sh*t poop stinks!

Andre 3000 told you, but I'll take this opportunity to reiterate. You wonder why you don't have a man. Who really wants someone who thinks they're better than everyone else? (And acts like it... You can secretly, subtly think you're too good but not blatantly) You WON'T find a man with education, conversation, a family-oriented lifestyle, spiritual strength, and (insert all of your ridiculous shallow desires here) good looking, 6ft plus, pretty teeth, and good hair, if you are too busy tearing brothers down.

Stop talking down to everyone past and present like your college degree made you some guru. You're still the same... Just some initials on you name. You won't be everyone's boss, no one is going to crawl up to you begging, and ain't nobody gone chase you. Get over yourself.

Michelle had more clout, influence, pull, and money that Barack... After he begged for a while she gave him a chance. Take notice. Potential goes a LOOOOOONG WAY!

Remember: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome... Try something NEW!

Keisha

From coloring books to checkbooks
She’s doing everything to mature her looks
Crazy to me it all seems
Cause in a little while she’ll be buying age-defying skin creams

It’s like she’s moving just a little too fast
And simultaneously thinking nothing about the past
Repeating her mother’s life with the same worries
Learning about the forefathers in history, but none could tell HERstory

Grew up in a single mother household
Mother so protective of danger like a lioness ready to pounce
Yet nurturing to her needs
Writing checks even when she knew they were gonna bounce

Only a mother AND no father
Living in her home
Forcing latch-key Keisha to spend hours alone
No one to address the questions over family dinners
She was being left in the dark
Being raised by MySpace, Hanna Montana, and 106 & Park

It started in the 6th grade
The wrong crew predicted her doom
Learned from the 8th grade girls to give hand jobs in the bathroom

And from there
Told her mom on Saturdays
She was with her friend Mary
And that Keisha and Mary hit the library
But, Nah! They went to the skating rink
And it was one of those ill-fated weekends
When “it” happened
That one thing

He told her he loved her
and she believed it
But she had no idea what real love was
because she hadn’t seen it.

Derrick can’t multiply but he sure can dance
Couldn’t tell you who lives at 1600 Pennsylvania
So we’ll give him another chance…
Who lives in the Pineapple under the sea?
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

And we laugh, but ain’t nothing funny.
she’s too cool for school.
And in the real world she’s a dummy.

But to Keisha
She’s ignored all the above
She put her all in him
Because she thought she’d found love

Momma told her about the birds
But never quite got the bees
And Derrick took advantage of it
He did her as he pleased
And it was especially easy to look over her
As she was down on her knees

Gotta her a fit and a prepaid cell phone
And now he going raw with no condom on
And this…
Continued for weeks
He’d see her in public
And never stop to speak
She had no idea that this was truly sex-based
Because she had found love
Even in the wrong place

He was much older
So he was playing relationship
Keisha got pregnant
And Derrick dipped

Keisha has no idea what life is really about
And now she hangs her head as her 9th grade belly pokes out

Living but not learning in seeing the pain of others
Teenage pregnancy in the black community.. She’s just another young mother
Living paycheck-to-paycheck
Forced into a world she will soon regret
And now she has to come up with Christmas
But all she has is public assistance.
3 kids 3 dad… way too much drama
And yet she thought it was a badge of honor
to become his baby mama

And she hates the point that’s she’s at now
And can’t quite understand how
Things became this way
Because all she sees is night even through the day

What happened to a village raising a child?
Well honestly now the tribal leaders are running wild.
And we can only question who should be put on trial.
But no one takes fault; it’s as if we’re all in a state of denial.
Children having children, not knowing the effects
That’s just the gateway to a pattern we often neglect

What about Keisha?

Queen Crowned

My weight would be ok if I were Tyra Banks height
My skin would be pretty if my skin was Halle Berry light
I might get more attention if my teeth were straight and white
But f**k it! I’M ME

And that may be the difference between you and I.
And I may never understand why.
We spend money on clothes we don’t HAVE to buy.
And time on men choose to lie

When I think of me!
I think of the Queens.
The queens in my ancestry
I think of so many things.
I think of where I want to go
And what’s important to me
I think of the materialistic girl I once dreamt to be
I call her the “Sex in the City” me
How I wanted the Louis, the Gucci, Chanel, and Prada
The Christian Louboutin, Manolo, and the Balenciaga

I think of how I spent every dime of every check
Buying fly shit to impress these ni**as
When honestly these True Religion jeans to nothing to complement my figure

And when I took a step back
My friends question “why”
Is it the guys or the lies?
And I say, “ Naw it’s all of the above.”
Like giving all these fake ass hugs, when there really is no love
Strapping up my heels every other night to see the same phony faces in the club
And faking like I’m not sick to my stomach as folks light up a dub
Doing this bullshyt and never stopping to think
And honestly I am so sick of spending money on alcohol that I can’t stand to drink


And to him I will never be that girl
Because I love to wear my hair natural
No relaxer or Portuguese girl curl

And I refuse to walk with a twist
Or pretend to be nice and “talk like this”
And it’s just plain stupid to carry your purse anywhere other than your shoulder and wrist

Imma rock heels when I want to
And I’m going to expect you to answer when I call you
I demand your respect
And nothing less

I’m not a dog, and I won’t be there for your every beck and call.
But I can be a bitch
But if you call me one, it’ll be one of your life’s biggest risk

I’m educated and I may show it at times
But I understand you’re a man and “I’ll stay in line”
I’m strong, but I won’t emasculate you.
But I’ll bring home the bacon if you need me to.

What Up Shorty?!

A few of my girlfriends and I were recently out having drinks and listening to some jazz. And I don't know if you've ever been to Knoxville, but there is a serious professional, working, educated, less than two children-having, non-momma's boy black man drought around this piece! So I was surprised when I spotted a decent looking brother at the bar making eye contact. Hell, surprised isn't the word... I was ENTHRALLED!!!

I played it cool and made my way to the restroom, only to take the scenic route back to our booth where we had been taking in the sights and sounds for the night! I accidentally brushed his foot as I perused by his bar stool. The band was jamming a John Mayer song, so I was even more delighted when he knew the words. He invited me to sit down and we chatted for a minute!

He was wonderful! Well-spoken, well-traveled, charming, nice-physique, and appropriately dressed for the evening! He is an engineer at a company that will remain nameless. Grew up in various cities due to his step-father's military ties. His mother was an English professor and author (Love Love Love It). He had no kids. He was making plans to go back to school to pursue his PhD! Had just purchased his first home. No visible tattoos in his Polo shirt! He was perfect!

After he offered me a drink (which I declined for reasons you'll find out about in a later post), he asked me to dance. Typically, I'm a bit hesitant to dance with strangers, because 1.) Most men get happy at the sight of a large posterior badonkadonk behind and 2.) I'd hate to embarrass this man. However, I digress. I led to the dance floor and as I prepared to turn around, I could see my friends chuckle in our booth. It was nothing new... as these fools cut up on a regular.

To my surprise, these heffas had an actual, factual reason to cut up in this situation. This man had to be all of 5 foot 6 inches. I'm not saying that there is something wrong with it, but I'm 5'5 and a half without shoes. And on this particular night, I had on 5.5 inch heels. I was devistated :-(

We finished an Outkast song and I rushed back to our booth. Expecting the antics and buffoonery of my entourage, to my surprise, there was none! They were like, "Girl, he is cute! Did you give him your number, or did you take his?" I was a little too shocked at their reactions to let them know then, but something in me wanted one of them to get sick, get hungry, or get a booty call. I just didn't want to be there, because I had NO clue how I was going to blow of this immaculate brother.

Before I start, I can admit: I am a little shallow! I seem to have an issue with men shorter than me, but I do not know why. I would say that I have a specific height in mind, but truly, I just want a man to be taller than me when I put on some heels. And when he's not... I loose a little respect for him.

And being that I have an utter DISGUST for most basketball players, my dating pool just got significantly smaller.

Who do I blame?

I blame men!
All of our lives our fathers, uncles, and grandfathers hold these high esteems in our perspectives and based on our point of view, they are much larger. So as we grow, we like men we can look up to, and when we can't, we lose our respect. Well, that's just my opinion!

Fashion

Why are flat shoes so disturbing to me? If it were not for the socially acceptable and sexually demanding appeal of the high heel (It rhymed) there is no way I would sacrifice my comfort. Thus probably causing me to lose out on what could be my perfect mate sans the height to breed the stallions I desire for offspring.

My Momma
I blame her for marrying my 6-foot plus daddy and having my 6-foot plus brother. Because, now short men are just unnatural to me!

See: My Giant Brother

Long Wedding Gowns

Honestly, how often will people see you stand next to your husband? You work on average 40/hours a week that's about 9 hours a day including lunch breaks. You're supposed to sleep 8 hours. That leaves 7 hours in a day! And how many of those hours will you be standing? Right! But the one time that people will truly see you stand together is your wedding. And I don't know about you, but I'm trying to rock some sky-high, neck- breaking Manolo Blahnik, Christian Louboutin, Jimmy Choo's on my BIG day and a short man won't go good with my shoes my shoes wouldn't go good with a short man!

So I guess I can all and all blame this one on society! :-(

YOUNG MOTHERS: What message are you sending your children?

At a recent birthday party I was forced into against my will, my child and a few of the other children in attendance decided to have an impromptu photo shoot on the play ground with my cell phone. I thought it was freaking adorable! Then I shouted "Ya'll Pose!" And the children instantly positioned their tiny torsos in what I assume was the most "natural" response. And this is what the picture looks like...

As you can see: The girls went into an automatic club (booty) pose. Arms folded, backs arched as to throw their legs out into a position that nearly causes them to fall, protruding hips and what little behind they have up into the air in a semi-sexual position, lips poked out, and head is angled in a manner resembling models. While the boy in the back mimics Buzz Lightyear or some other type of Superhero in a pubescent manner. He balances on the playground barrier as to demonstrate some super-natural power, and he smiles BIG for the camera!

Now I know I may seem a little fickle in my over-processing of such a trivial matter; however, it didn't occur to me until later the messages these children had received were exactly what they put out.

Granted, there are many boys that would have loved to spring into some crotch-clutching, rap-star pose, but it's a little harder to critique and criticize, because "boys WILL be BOYS". BUT when little girls mock women trash- talking, fist-throwing, tramps they see on tv.... it becomes an issue.

Remember that song "Be Careful Little Eyes What You See"... Don't forget your kids NEED their INNOCENCE! Young mothers reading this, ESPECIALLY with children growing up in a home without a father... Watch what you do, watch, and say around your kids.