"The Verse in Me"

Inspired by a love that never should have been...


You try to bring out the worse in me
And all you do is bring out the verse in me
It started simple with you just cursing me
In stupid little shouting matches like you versus me
And yet you continue as if you’re not hurting me
But these tears in my eyes and this bruise on my thigh
I know that it’s plain to see
Whether you do it with intention or inadvertently

You try to bring out the worse in me
And all you do is bring out the verse in me
But I am a lover and not a warrior
So I refuse to fight
I may not strike you with my hands
But I will hit you with my mic
And tonight
I will try with all my might
To hit you, and hit you just right
Write where it hurts
Because you hit me first
Not with your fist
But spoken and broken promises
Sealed with a kiss

You try to bring out the worse in me
And all you do is bring out the verse in me
But, Nah! I ain’t mad
I take my anger and I put my pen to my pad
And my pad to the table
And it takes my all, but I know I’m not able
To bust your shit
Because like that last time
I wanted to put yo ass through a wall
Or that time I wanted to slap you at the mall
I forgot that you were 200lbs and stood 6 feet tall
But I digress… that’s not my point at all

You got my heart and my head at war
But for some dumb reason, I allow you back in my door
But it’s got to be the back door
Because like the time before
My friends told me not to let it happen anymore

But am I a fool
To allow this man
To ruin God’s plan
To allow him in my life
And cause so much strife
To let him in
And continue to sin
When I know it’s not right
I still climb in his bed at night

And I know what’s wrong
With the “whatevership” we have going on
To excuse myself because the flesh is weak
And still sit in the house of the Lord at the beginning of each week
I know it’s unhealthy
But I can’t seem to stop it
And the good advice
I seem to be able to block it

I fell so much better now
And you could never understand how
Much I want to hurt you with my words
Strangle you with my verbs
Poison you with my adjectives
And stab you a little extra with my ad-libs


But now it ends
Because my happiness and sanity mean more than any gift you could ever buy
And a good man's one truth means more than a thousand of your lies.

I wear my heart on my sleeve
And I try not to show it
But when your crime is assault on the heart of a poet
The penalty is this
And now YOU KNOW it.

Where are the Lauryn Hills and India.Aries?

I am but a ripe 23-years-old and I am FAR from perfect; however, I can say ONE THING: Role models for girls nowadays SUCK! When I was a younger we had Lauryn Hill to teach us how to love and learn with our hearts. India.Arie to teach us that even though we weren't the average girl from the videos or built like super models, we could still love ourselves unconditionally. And even Erykah to teach us how to kick "Tyrone" out with a touch of class and style.

As much as I enjoy the positive interaction I have with my inner-city students, sometimes I like to step back and just take in what's really going on. In a recent discussion with a small subgroup of my girls the issue of role models came up. And with the teacher mentality I have, I decided to make it an assignment - PowerPoint to be exact! I charged them with the task of creating a slideshow utilizing many of the skills we'd cover in order to discuss their favorite woman influence in popular culture. I said influence, because the word "role model" hardly applies to some of these characters. The results nearly made me suicidal.

1.) Nicki Minaj-
Ughhhhhhh.. This is literally what I was thinking the entire presentation. First of all, I was amazed that none of these 13-year- old girls had the since to locate and attach decent, clothed a picture of her heroine... then I tried to look for one. TO NO AVAIL! It was disheartening to see this hyper-sexualized woman showing her body all over the place. I'm so distracted by her character that it's hard for me to even begin to listen to her music.

The simple fact that she's tied to Lil Wayne already puts her on my "Poo Lists" but the ridiculousness continues when she is compared to Foxy Brown and Lil Kim... two people I knew I was classier than in the sixth grade.


2.) Ciara-
Now I remember when she used to be an adorable tomboy; however, times has changed, as well as her virginity status, apparently. Welp.. for those of you who remember that "one, two step", trust her "goodies" are no longer innocent. This "Ride" video made me blush. I am astonished that this woman (or girl) thought that was okay. If I had the ability to block her from under-aged children... I would!

For a woman in the industry with such a following and demographic appropriate material, it was shocking to see the video with her and Luda.

3.) Monica-
Understandable with all the current BET hype!

4.) Rihanna-
* Blank stare* But some of those reasons are personal. i.e. Chris Brown

5.) Toya-
Apparently, having a child by the worst influence on black culture is a ticket to becoming influential.

6.) Michelle Obama-
All I could think was FINALLY!!!

7.) Oprah-
There is still hope!


Today's girls have the likes Nicki Minaj and Ciara! These young ladies continue to perpetuate the hyper-sexualized images of black women which make many of us shiver. The thought that my son will one day grow up and be around young women influenced by these type of women scares the poo out of me. Who is to blame? Celebrities state that parents should monitor what kids watch. When the reality is - the kids many of us are concerned about don't have parents with that ability. 106 & Park airs during rush hour traffic time, and with many parents in transit home, they have NO control over what their kids are watching at home or at their friends. It's scary!

I never saw things as influential until I became a parent, and now that I am.. I blame the media. BET and its parent networks make these sad attempts to bolster education while showing ass shaking during the next half-hour slot. It's time for us (BLACK PEOPLE) to stop supporting such mess and demand SUBSTANCE!!